i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
