I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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