i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
