pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
