WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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