pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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