God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
