Someone shit on the floor
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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