omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
