Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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