Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
