i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
