If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are we still banned from the library?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
