they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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