So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
