about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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