matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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