I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This house was built for laser tag.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
