every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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