I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
