He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
