My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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