I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
