Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
