Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
