She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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