just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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