who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would ride that face into the sunset
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
