Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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