Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
