So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
