why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
