If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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