i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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