...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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