in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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