i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
