wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
