The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
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