Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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