How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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