After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
