did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
