Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
