My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
