I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
