Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
