Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
