I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
