beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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